Good Guilt—Bad guilt
Guilt, false guilt, and shame can all look alike but they're not. For instance true guilt says you have done something wrong or bad, while shame says you are bad; that is, you are a bad person.
With real guilt, if you know you've done something wrong, and confess it and make restitution, the feeling of guilt goes away. If it doesn't, it may be false guilt or shame you are struggling with.
You can confess false guilt forever, but that will never resolve it because it isn't guilt. It is a conditioned response learned mostly in earlier years.
It can come from parents and siblings, sad to say.
Some of it, at least, works like this: "If you do what I want you to do, behave the way I want you to behave, conform to what I want, and even believe what I want you to believe, I will give you my love and approval. If you don't do these things, I will withhold my love and approval and make you feel guilty. Or if you do things I don't like, I will make you feel ashamed with my 'shame on you' statements and attitude."
False guilt and shame are destructive ways of controlling other people. Both are psychologically damaging.
If we have sinned and done wrong, we are guilty regardless of what we feel. Its purpose is not to make us feel that we are bad persons or to shame us, but to inform us that we have done wrong and that there are always consequences. The feeling response we ought to feel when we have done wrong is sorrow. This is to motivate us to come for forgiveness, wherever possible to put right the wrongs we have done, and to genuinely repent of (turn away from) sinful actions.
Guilt, false guilt, and shame can all look alike but they're not. For instance true guilt says you have done something wrong or bad, while shame says you are bad; that is, you are a bad person.
With real guilt, if you know you've done something wrong, and confess it and make restitution, the feeling of guilt goes away. If it doesn't, it may be false guilt or shame you are struggling with.
You can confess false guilt forever, but that will never resolve it because it isn't guilt. It is a conditioned response learned mostly in earlier years.
It can come from parents and siblings, sad to say.
Some of it, at least, works like this: "If you do what I want you to do, behave the way I want you to behave, conform to what I want, and even believe what I want you to believe, I will give you my love and approval. If you don't do these things, I will withhold my love and approval and make you feel guilty. Or if you do things I don't like, I will make you feel ashamed with my 'shame on you' statements and attitude."
False guilt and shame are destructive ways of controlling other people. Both are psychologically damaging.
If we have sinned and done wrong, we are guilty regardless of what we feel. Its purpose is not to make us feel that we are bad persons or to shame us, but to inform us that we have done wrong and that there are always consequences. The feeling response we ought to feel when we have done wrong is sorrow. This is to motivate us to come for forgiveness, wherever possible to put right the wrongs we have done, and to genuinely repent of (turn away from) sinful actions.
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